John and Audra's Randomness - How Chris Got His Whip Back
The Importance Of Being Christopher
(This story is dedicated to my gal Audra, the funniest person I know.)
"You like me, you really like me!"
Poor Christopher Belmont. He appears in what is generally regarded as possibly the worst Castlevania game ( Castlevania Adventure ), and thus doesn't get much credit in the big picture. But let us not forget how Chris beat Drac twice, and let us look at the kind of ribbing that Chris had to put up with in his stereotypical tenure as lamest Belmont!
It all started one day in the forest, when wee little Chris wanted to hang out with the big boys. (Ignore the fact that Chris, Simon and John lived in seperate time periods of 350 years.)
Chris: Hey, I wanna hang out with you guys!
Simon: Later Chris! HA-HA!
Poor Chris! Now, Christopher was all alone in the forest, where scary monsters lurked! Mudmen, flea men, politicians... you name it!
Ben: Chris... Chris...
Later that day, after a long and scary journey through the forest...
An unarmed Chris arrives at the home of one Blob...
Chris: Um, sir...are you Blob?
Chris: A whip?
Later, after a less scary trip through the forest...
John: Dude! What was all over that magazine!?
John: Anyhow, I...AGHHH! MY ASS! What are you doing, Chris?
And so, the brave and noble Christopher Belmont lost his whip, was visited by the spirit of Obi-Wan Kenobi, trained under an equally noble Blob for a moment, regained the whip, and discovered that both Simon and John smoke and read Playboy... what the hell was that story all about? I really need to start sleeping more.