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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, aka What the Hell Were These People On?
Sometimes a movie does so well, that no matter how much people may advise against a sequel, a sequel is made anyway. I can think of more than a few movies that fit this description: Jason X, Dumb and Dumberer (okay a prequel, yes, but still), Legally Blond 2 (one Blond was enough), and TMNT 3.
Sure, I don't really know if someone advised against this movie being made, but I strongly doubt everyone thought this was a good idea. I mean, come on. Not everyone in Hollywood has sold thier souls to the dark powers...
Anyway, for their third outing (which, as it happens, I'm covering first on this site), the Turtles needed something new to do. They already fought the Shredder twice, and he died... both times actually... weird. So, instead of fighting the desecated corpse of Shredder, which in my opinion would of made a kick ass movie (George Romero's: TMNT 3 - Night of the Living Chrome Dome), the Turtles go on a lame outing through time.
The movie opens on April bringing the Turtles some flea market goods (cheapskate) to keep them entertained which she's on vacation... What are these guys, children? Can't they entertain themselves? I do it all the time. Just gimmie a soda and some porn sites on the net and I entertain myself for hours... Nevermind.
Anyway, so, as it happens, one of the things April buys is this nifty ancient Japanese doo-dad that sends people back and forth through time. When April gets sucked back to 1600 AD, feudal Japan (which is actually historcially acurate, if I'm not mistaken), and is replaced by a cute Japanese dude, the TMNT decided to ignore the possible gay fan service provided, instead call Casey Jones to do the fan servicing (far as I'm concerned the dude playing Casey has the character down - they could do a Casey movie and I'd watch it 4 times), and go back in time to rescue April.
Of course, in the process the avert a rather lame war between a Japanese warlord and ONE city. Not a bunch of cities, just the one. They lose the japanese doo-dad, find the doo-dad, save the day, and return home in time for pizza.
If it sounds like I'm glossing over the best parts, well, you're wrong. There are no real good parts. Just mediocrity, and I like the turtles. Think what the uninitiated thought of this movie... Although I doubt there weren't many people in the 80's that loved the turtles. I think the only show more watched that TMNT was Saved by the Bell, and you won't find me doing a site about Zack Morris.
So yeah, it's lame, but of course, if you're here at this site, you've already seen it anyway, so my words of warning fall of tainted ears. Sorry I couldn;t get to you sooner.
TMNT On Film - TMNT III Movie
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