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My Attempt at Telling the Story of the Turtles
It's harder than it looks to summarize the turtles' story. I mean, what with 2 seperate comic book continuities, plus the cartoon/Archie comic continuity (which sometimes does contradict each other), the second TV series by Saban (which has been written off the history books by Mirage), and the movies, all of which take basic details the same, and screws around with them... Argh!
But here's the basic jist: 16 or so years ago (taking where the turtles are now, and kinda futzing their ages) a vial of ooze (think glowing green jelly crossed with plutonium) fell out of a shipment (of other vials of ooze, of course), hit a bowl of turtles that a kid was carrying (mean little vial), and bounced it's happy little self into the sewers, along with the turtles (I tell you, you couldn't plan a better shot than that).
There, a rat (although the cartoon says he was a human) named Splinter came across the ooze, and the turtles crawling in it. He was kind, picked them up, cleaned them, and kept them for his very own (now, as a rat, I'm wondering just how the hell a smart rat like this came to live in the sewers, cause honestly he should be doin the talk show circuit).
Anyway, after a bit of time, the rat noticed that both he and the turtles were getting bigger and smarter. Soon, they were all talking it up, and that was when the rat named them. He pulled out the book of renaissance... renesance... reinass... fuck it, he pulled out his book of ren-artists (cause every rat has one), and named them each after a famous ren-dude. Then he set to teaching them all ninjitsu (cause all rats know ninjitsu and try to teach it to everyone they meet--I'm still saying talk shows here...)
After some years, a clan of ninjas started moving into New York. They were bad mofos, tearing up the joint, not paying for food at restaurants, putting "I Love Gay Porn" bumper stickers on other peoples cars... Rude shits. Apparently Splinter knew them some how (depends on if he was human or not as to how he knew them), and especially knew Shredder, the head of the clan (honestly, where do they come up with these names?). Eventually the turtles fight the ninjas, befriend the ravishing reporter, April O'Neil, and have many cooky adventures...
And this is about where the continuities diverge. Following different paths, the turtles kill the Shedder, they _DON'T_ kill him, and he teams up with a alien-brain-thingy, they do kill him, but he comes back, mutates into a super form, and then they kill him... Hell, in one continuity, one of the turtles BECOMES the Shredder after he dies... Nirgle... There's too much. I tell you, Castlevania wasn't this hard to summarize...
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