John and Audra's Randomness - Interview with the Slogra

Interview with the Slogra:

I sat down for a brief chat with the always interesting Slogra. Here's what he had to say when we played 20 questions about life as one of Dracula's baddies.

1. John: So, Slogra, glad you could make it!

Slogra: Thanks for having me. The only other interview I ever did was for a job at the Barney show, but they picked this big fat purple freak instead. His real name isn't even Barney, either, it's Clancy. And I'm still trying to locate the film negatives I have that'll ruin his career!

2. John: Er...okay. So...what's it like being one of Dracula's minions?

Slogra: It's okay. I got this cool Alcarde Spear for free, and I got the beak job I so desperately wanted in high school.

3. John: Beak job?

Slogra: Don't even ask what it looked like before.

4. John: Say, any comments on the rumour that your good buddy Gaibon is gay?

Slogra: I have heard some media attention towards him that way, but it isn't true.

5. John: Jerry Falwell says that since he's purple, and his name sounds like "Gay-bon", and his head is shaped like an upside down triangle that he's gay and a bad influence to any up-and-coming demons in Dracula's regime.

Slogra: Well Gaibon would eat Jerry Falwell with a little toast for his breakfast. Besides, Gaibon isn't purple when you piss him off, and he digs Frozen Shades.

6. John: Say, just what was Dracula developing in that alchemy laboratory?

Slogra: The very first breast implants. We asked Medusa to be the first test case and she got really pissed off.

7. John: What's Medusa really like behind all the glamour?

Slogra: A stone bitch.

8. John: Who get's made fun of the most among you guys in Dracula's army?

Slogra: Well, it used to be the Igors, we used to all hunch over when we walked past them and say "Yes master, yes master, rghh" and all sorts of Igor related jokes, until in 1792 they went on strike for a week and successfully lobbied to be called Flea Men from now on. But we still call them Igors behind their backs, or we call them "the little short bastards".

9.John: Who has the most unpleasant odor among you guys?

Slogra: Akmodan II. He really needs to change those wrappings. I even requested that he be put on top of the clock tower in the 1500's so we didn't have to smell him.

10. John: What does Dracula do when he's unhappy with your performance?

Slogra: He makes us clean up Minotaur crap in the colliseum.

11. John: What's the deal with the Master Librarian in Castlevania? He's such a weirdo.

Slogra: Well, Dracula doesn't really want word getting around, but he's his cousin. He felt sorry for him so he gave him a job in the library. After all, he is a nerd. I never had to deal with him but the Dhuron's used to always bitch at coffee break about him and said that if he didn't stop giggling they were going to stage a walk out and demand a transfer to the outer wall.

12: John: Say, Sloggy, why does Dracula hide his money in candles? Aren't there any banks in Castlevania?

Slogra: Dracula's a real tight wad, so he hides his money in his own castle. Everybody rips him off though. I saw a ghost make off with 400 dollars once.

13. John: Do you mind if I call you Sloggy?

Slogra: Better than what Death calls me.

14. John: What does Death call you?

Slogra: Buttercheeks. I really don't want to go into how that one started.

15. John: Okay, I won't ask...but seriously, what's Death like?

Slogra: Well, let's just put it this way, 90% of Dracula's minions are undead. You know why? They pissed Death off. I'm one of the lucky ones that he likes. I know my limits with him. And never, EVER cheat at cards when you play with Death. Because in the end, you can't cheat Death.

16. John: So, Death is a friend of yours?

Slogra: Yes, we've been buds for a while. Back in the day when I first started out, there was another guy who carried a sickle who was vying to take over Death's job, his name was Liberty. Dracula wanted to know who we would rather work with. He came around to all of us and said "I can give you Liberty or I can give you Death." We chose Death.

17. John: By the way Slogra, I noticed you smiling at the pictures of me and Audra. Is there a special someone in your life?

Slogra: Well, I had the biggest crush on Elizabeth Bartley...

18. John: Ooh, tell us Sloggy!

Slogra: Well, it's like this, we had a few dates, our brief fling, and we decided to go our own seperate ways.

19. John: It didn't work then?

Slogra: Well, we were just 2 different people. Actually 3, because whenever she got pissed off she turned into this bitch who reminded me of Medusa. Apart from her, I had one date with a Venus Weed and I hooked up with Scylla at a party, but we were both piss drunk.

20. John: Well, Sloggy, I really enjoyed our chat. Keep in touch, now!

Slogra: Thanks for having me. For future interviews I'll be hanging out at Dracula's Curse: THE PAGE!!! in my shrine, playing Fish with Eric Roman. Because he's easier to cheat against than Death, and he won't kill me.