They Come from Below

I’m not sure there’s a movie that almost no one has seen that still, somehow, is a total meme other than C.H.U.D. As a lover of horror movies I, of course, have watched it. But then I watch just about every crappy film that comes my way simply because they exist. C.H.U.D. has been in my movie collection for decades, and it’s one of those movies (like Killer Klowns from Outer Space) that every true B-movie connoisseur has to have. “Oh, sure, you have this movie. But do you have C.H.U.D.?”, and then when you present your DVD of it, sliding it across the table like it’s Paul Allen’s business card, everyone else gets nervous.

But the fact is that while just about everyone knows of this movie (it’s been referenced countlessly in other, more popular shows and movies), almost no one has watched this film. There’s a whole political slur based on the term, calling people “bottom feeders” but naming them “chuds”, but how many people actually know what a C.H.U.D. really is or what they look like? For a movie that has inserted itself deep into the internet lexicon, C.H.U.D. actually has a tiny place in pop culture.

Which makes sense. The film was released in 1984 and while it did make respectable numbers against its not entirely shoe-string budget – $4.7 Mil in sales against $1..25 Mil spent – those barely compare to other films that came out that same Summer. We’re talking the likes of Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins, The Karate Kid, and Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (all of which were movies I got around to reviewing on this site long before C.H.U.D.). Against a crowded field like that, C.H.U.D. didn’t stand a chance.

Nor do I think it really deserved to. This film has a delightfully daft premise, with underground-living people getting turned into “cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers" due to nuclear waste that was buried deep in New York City’s underground. But the film itself is incredibly pedestrian. It tried to mine real drama from its story, with characters reacting to these monsters about as realistically as you’d expect. But with no budget, cheap costumes, and C-list (for the time) actors, there was only so far this film could really go. It’s amazing it’s become the meme it has because, in a different universe, this would be a forgotten bottom-bin filler that no one even remembers.

The film focuses on a trio of characters. The first is photographer George Cooper (John Heard, later the dad in Home Alone), who has been slowly documenting a story about the homeless population of NYC, and how many of its members have been going missing. He knows one particular bag lady who, as it turns out, tried to steal a gun from a cop for unknown reasons, and now Cooper needs to find out from her what’s going on. At the same time, former-criminal and current reverend A.J. (Daniel Stern, later a Wet Bandit in Home Alone) has called the cops about how many of his people, the undergrounders, have been going missing. Two sides of the same case, but they need a cop to intervene.

That cop is Captain Bosch (Christopher Curry), who has been trying to keep the case of the missing people around NYC quiet, as per the orders from police headquarters. But when his own wife goes missing, Bosch feels no need to toe the party line anymore. He starts working the case with A.J., turning up evidence that the homeless population isn’t just going missing, it’s getting eaten, and that eventually puts all three men face to face with the creatures themselves, all while an Nuclear Regulatory Commission suit, Wilson (George Martin), tries to shut the whole operation down.

There is a lot going on in C.H.U.D. and, arguably, most of it doesn’t work. This is a simple story that gets dragged out by its multiple plotlines and constantly bickering characters. Or, at least, it feels drawn out as the film itself is only 96 minutes long. You could easily cut out a lot of the cruft, dropping one of the three main characters (and, honestly, Cooper is the least essential of the three) and the film would work better. But then it would also only be about 45 minutes long.

But then this is standard practice for any film released by New World Pictures, one of the many studios Roger Corman ran during his long time making movies. Corman films were cheaply made, and more cheaply released, but they generally have the same formula: one good idea, dragged out to movie length, with a few decent spots of action that can be used to pepper the trailer and get people into theaters. C.H.U.D. is very well padded, with huge plotlines that are introduced (like Cooper’s girlfriend wanting to get back into modeling) that don’t actually mean anything to the final story. It’s there because we need theatrical length and not because it changes anything or really informs us about the characters.

Of course, if we got to the monsters quicker, we’d realize there wasn’t really much to this film. The underground monsters are pretty terrible looking in the worst possible sense. They’re awful costumes that were poorly made, with the monsters themselves working better as a concept than a reality. The film is smart early on and keeps the monsters off screen, or to the shadows, but once they have to emerge and we can really see them, they go from scary beasts to laughable jokes. The dwellers aren’t scary, and that’s because the film didn’t have the budget (or technical know-how) to make them scary.

But, credit where it’s due, the actors all try to make it work. Heard and Stern do great work with their characters, and you can see why they both went on to star in plenty of movies afterwards. In fact, I wonder if they shared stories about C.H.U.D. while they were hanging out on the set of Home Alone. And they aren’t the only recognizable actors in the film, as there was also Kim Griest (Brazil, Manhunter) as Cooper’s girlfriend. And then we had day-players John Goodman and Jay Thomas show up later as cops (who then get eaten by the monsters). This film is packed with solid people, most of whom are wasted on this bad film.

Does that really matter at this point? Sure, if the film has been better made then there’s every chance it could have been a much bigger film in 1984 (although, considering all its competition, maybe not), but now, all these years later, it lives on as a joke and a meme. It’s a bad film that has actually managed to find new life as one of those cheap horror treasures, long outshining its own quality to become something more than the sum of its parts. You have to think that’s really more than the film deserved.

So no, C.H.U.D. isn’t some lost, missing gem just waiting to be discovered. But for the horror crowd it means something. It’s a cheap little monster indie that does what it can with its low budget and great concept, and while it frequently misses the mark when it does land its character drama, or its horror beats, it actually has moments of brilliance. Those moments are few and far between, but they almost redeem the film. Almost. I can’t say anyone needs to watch C.H.U.D. – just knowing the memes about it is enough – but as a curiosity, C.H.U.D. at least has something interesting going on to attract a few eyes. Just don’t expect to walk away with a new favorite of the form.